I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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