I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Found the puke drawer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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