I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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