I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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