I think I died a long time ago.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
