I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
