I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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