i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
