3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
