im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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