he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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