all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
