The maid of honor just puked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
