So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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