Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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