There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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