epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
