so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
