girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
