i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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