Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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