I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
