We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize