Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
