i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize