Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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