is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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