I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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