yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
