I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
