His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
