I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
