come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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