Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
