I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
