I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
