It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
