so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
