i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
