Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
