So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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