All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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