I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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