we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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