so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
