When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
