what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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