you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
