Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
