P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
