Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
