we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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