Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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