Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
