i don't like sucking hair
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
