i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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