I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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