i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize