she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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