so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
