I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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