my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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