just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize