I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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