I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
