im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
