Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
