Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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