Don't you send me to vm
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
