you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
