One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
