No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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