I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
