I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
