Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize