I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
