Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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