Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
