Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
