I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
