she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
